What I got they used to call the blues–
Nothin’ is really wrong…
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
(Roger Nichols and Paul Williams)

After I got home yesterday and the rain started pouring (again,) I started to lose a lot of last week’s giddiness. I had no show to do, no kids to love on, still no job, and I was sitting home alone.

Today I caught myself thinking, “I wish I could just turn off my feelings for a while, stop hoping so hard, stop thinking about the things I have to wait for, stop loving a moment that’s gone, stop being disappointed with things that happened badly or didn’t happen at all.”

Then I thought, “No. That’s the very core of who we are. Hoping and loving is what we want to do with life, isn’t it? If it doesn’t turn out like we expect, isn’t it a privilege to find the balance between emotion and reason and get through it? That’s not something to get rid of–that’s something to be grateful for!”

I immediately felt my anxiety release, I was awash with peace, and my joy started to return.

That’s when I realized that I have completely lost my mind, but y’all probably knew that already.